Saturday, January 12, 2013

Let's talk about the 'L' Word



"I love this song."
"I love sushi."
"I love sports."
Love. Love. Love. This small word sure is thrown around a lot. But are we losing sight of what it truly means? Back in the honest days when Shakespeare wrote his Sonnet 18, love was overflowing from his words.  Ironically, he does not mention the word 'love' once. Not. Once. "Lovely" but not "love." Shakespeare compares the muse to a summer's day, speaks of how his/her beauty will last forever as long as people are able to read this poem. 

Now that is love.

Love is so much more than saying it. It is more than the hugs, kisses and dates. To me, love is is an amalgam of emotions and factors.  Love involves trust, compassion, understanding, open-mindedness and so much more. It is not something that you can't turn on and off. I will admit that I am probably one of the most gushy/romantic people out there but I do not believe there is love at first sight.  Attraction? Yes. Not love. Not love because there are too many other factors that build the ladder up to love. 

"Sarah, you have some firm beliefs about love...have you been in love?"  Why, yes I have. Now, I'm not talking the 'I love this song'-love. Real love.  The sun would rise and set with this guy.  We were about as opposite as you can get and any outsider would have never put us together. But it worked. It worked so well. What happened you ask? Life. We were and still are at different places.  And sadly, just because you love someone to the stars and back doesn't mean that you are meant to be together. And that was the case. We were meant to love but not last. The quote that can best sum up that relationship comes from one of my favorite books: 
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life" - Eat, Pray, Love....Elizabeth Gilbert. 

This opens up the can of 'soul mates' but let's hold off on that for a second. This love of mine did exactly that. He shook me up, showed me what I did and didn't want, brought me my happiest and saddest relationship moments that I have known thus far in life. And I love him for that.  Yes, I still love him. And to all of you out there saying "WOAH,"  calm yourselves and listen first. I strongly believe that if you love someone (truly) that that love does not go away. If you can easily drop love, it wasn't love. It might have been the old middle school saying you "like-liked" that person but it wasn't love. (Of course there are exceptions of cheating and the like).  I believe that everyone has little boxes in their hearts/minds that hold the people that we love, romantic and otherwise. Some have grown dusty and may be rusted a bit but they are still there.  And that is okay. I fully expect that the person I end up with will have loved and have dusty boxes of his own. It's normal. It's healthy. We are a species that is meant to love. 

So if we can love multiple times, are some more important than others?  Not necessarily. I think that each time we love, we love differently.  Not better or worse, just different.  Each person that you are with, like or love, shows you a new piece to yourself. Throughout my relationships and crushes, I have realized things that I am willing to budge on in my life and things that are deal-breakers. There is silly love, romantic love, dangerous love, adventurous love, much more and a crazy combination of them all. The trick is finding yours. 

Now, soul mates.  The phrase that is highly debated. One of my favorite movies, Ever After (I dare say I love this movie), speaks of soul mates in a scene that stuck with me at an early age.  The scene is between Prince Henry and da Vinci:
"Henry: Do you really think there is only one perfect mate? 
Leonardo da Vinci: As a matter of fact, I do. 
Henry: Well then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them, are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears, or, or she does, but you're too distracted to notice? 
Leonardo da Vinci: You learn to pay attention. 
Henry: Then let's say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or, was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?"


Henry, I have the same questions.  What if my match is on the other side of the world??  Like Gilbert says, soul mates are meant to shake you up.  That doesn't mean there is just one of them. Some people may require multiple shakings. 

But eventually one will come along and it will make sense. You will both love the same musician and going hiking.  You can't stand the way he combs his hair and he hates that you always correct him. You get lost on some back roads because she told you to "turn now!!" and you listened. You end up late to your destination but still holding hands. You will disagree but kiss before bed. Eventually we will all find someone that we can roll with.  
Someone that loves our quirks and imperfections. Someone that won't mind that I like going to bed early, cleaning up messes, and that I can listen to Taylor Swift on repeat. I want someone that I can take home to my family, someone that will take me to church, someone that will drive in the snow because it scares me too much to do it. 

As of now...I need to live for me. I have attempted to stop looking, which some say is when you find it.  I am having a hard time stopping but it is what I need to do.  I have been too focused on trying to make people that I know now fit me, when in reality, I may not have met the right one yet.  Or, perhaps I have met the right one but it is not the right time. 

All I know is that God has some plan for me...I just wish he would give me a hint.

2 comments:

  1. Were love an easy task, there would be happier people on earth. Love is pleasure and pain. Love is blindness and sight. Love is happiness and sorrow. Love is right and wrong and right again. Love is deliciously satisfying and annoyingly messy. But being open to being found by it.....wonderfully rewarding. One thing I know for sure, it is never the same for anyone. Some meet their completeness when they are young and grow up and grow old together. Others stump their toes, twist their ankle while bumping along the rocky path growing in wisdom each day and with each new experience. And when those people who have found the completeness of themselves find another like minded and conversely different person, the love will grow from mutual attraction, respect and confidence and be all the sweeter for the wait. Just remember that God knows who you will be with and has known forever and His design is always perfect and perfectly timed. There is no doubt in my mind the person who is searching for you as well is equally wonderful. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you both.

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  2. You said it perfectly. Thank you.

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